Posted in Life

Amazing Home Remedies That Actually Work

Home Remedy
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As someone with no health insurance, I have become a self-titled expert on home remedies and unusual cures. Some I have found through research, some from recommendations, but most have been handed down in my family throughout the generations.

Thousands of remedies have withstood the test of time by being passed down through the generations of families. Even now, many people distrust the medical profession and think they run it like a business. Meaning that if you keep someone sick or dependent on a medication, you will keep generating a profit. I believe there is some truth to that but, having a chronic illness, I cannot always self-treat. Luckily, I absolutely adore my general practitioner. Much like husbands, for me, I went through a lot of horrible ones before I found him.

Pho

This Vietnamese soup can cure almost anything! When I feel that telltale tickle in my throat or fatigue creeping up, my husband and I immediately phone in a to go order at the closest pho restaurant. I enjoy the chicken noodle pho, but any kind is enough to render a cure.

Mix in all the ingredients, the spicier the better, and consume! After that and a good night’s sleep, you will wake up as if nothing ever happened.

Vicks Vapor Rub

This rub smells as good as it works. Not only can it be used to disguise the smell of rotting flesh, my dad was a funeral home employee, but it can also be rubbed on the heels of your feet and covered with socks to rid you of a stubborn cough. I am tied on if it smells better or the same as Noxema.

It can also provide relief to sunburns.

Tobacco

I’m not encouraging you to take up smoking. When you hear the telltale scream of a wasp or bee sting, take the tobacco out of a cigarette or from a tin of chew and wad up to press on the sting. It takes the sting out almost instantly.

Don’t do like my brother did. When he was younger, he stole a pinch of my grandfather’s snuff and tried to hide it. He didn’t count on turning green and throwing up for a good thirty minutes so he was busted immediately.

Desitin

White crusty lips dried out from being sunburned or windburned get instantly better after a night treatment of Desitin on them. Desitin is a diaper rash ointment and tastes disgusting. Please don’t consume it, but it can clear up sun or wind burned lips faster than anything else I know. The next day, you wake up as good as new.

Crocs (the shoe)

I would just like to throw this one in. Crocs, the shoes not the animal, are absolutely 100% effective as a birth control measure.

Toothpaste

Do you have a massive zit that popped up suddenly before a big date or meeting? Instead of naming it and applying for a birth certificate, dab that baby with some toothpaste before bed. When you wake up, Zitty McZitterson will be but a crusty memory on your face.

I don’t know why but only the use of white toothpaste works for this.

Pickle Juice

Freaks all over the world, including me, love the taste of pickle juice. I hope that any reading this will be happy to know that there are health benefits along with the amazing briny taste! It is amazing, according to word on the street, for cramps and dehydration.

Grocery stores all over the world have caught on to this and now make it as a drink, aka no pickles included, and a popsicle. The world is a wondrous place indeed.

Soap

If you use this bar, you will become clean.

I’m kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding, you will become clean. But that is not where I was going with this. If you put an unwrapped, fresh bar of soap underneath your sheets it somehow causes lamp leg cramps to cease.

Leg cramps, a.k.a. Charlie horses, were a nightly torture for me during all four of my pregnancies. Since I have the best luck in the world, I discovered this remedy at the very end of my last pregnancy. For those that are not fluent in sarcasm, I was being very sarcastic when I stated that I have the best luck in the world.

Banana Peels

In 5th grade, I was plagued with warts all over both of my hands. They were embarrassing and caused me to keep my hands balled up in a fist so no one would look at them. My mother took me to the dermatologist countless times. After each painful treatment to freeze them off, they would grow back and bring a few friends to join them.

The summer after fifth grade, we made the ten hour drive to my Cajun grandmother’s house for our annual visit. It wasn’t long before she noticed my clasped hands.

Grabbing them, she pried them open and was greeted with the sight of 75 warts. Clicking her head and murmuring curses, she grabbed the bananas and started peeling them.

An hour later, my mother was making an army’s worth of banana bread and I had my warts treated. My grandmother put the peels, slimy side down, on my warts and then taped them down with duct tape. She swore that duct tape was the only one that would work. Every day, we changed out the banana peels and duct tape. Within a week, they had almost all gone away. They never came back.

Modern medicine is an amazing thing, but a doctor isn’t always needed. We got by in the past with herbal and homemade treatments and we can still use them for many things.

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Posted in Life

I Lie Like A Rug

I lie like a rug
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Any given week, I will lie forty nine or more times. Don’t shake your head in disgust, these are the same lies I hear told to me on a daily basis. An example of my lies include white lies, lies to avoid hurting feelings, lies about how I come up with the random statistics that I do, and lies to build myself and others up. Anybody who says that they don’t do the same is probably lying about lying.

It is ingrained in us from childhood to give auto-responses to the trigger phrases and words that are part of our cultural greetings, etc. It is also ingrained in us not to be rude and/or tell people things that are considered rude in our society. And now, more than ever before, we have to tiptoe around offending people constantly and being politically correct. In my opinion, this has gotten a little out of hand.

So, am I really living the dream? Which is what I automatically respond to someone who asks me how I am while I’m at work. No, I am not living the dream. That could be no further from the truth. In truth, I am grasping my final shred of dignity so hard my knuckles are white. This alone is preventing a felony charge to head my way.

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Photo by Kawin Harasai on Unsplash

How are you?

This is to be answered by only, “I’m great, and you?” I repeat, this is the only answer. Do not tell them about your horrible menstrual cycle, your husband’s snoring, or your battle to get your children to care about their teeth. They do not really care. It is really all just a platitude. It is a carefully orchestrated question that means nothing in reality.

How’s your day?

“Living the dream!” is the only reply to this one. Telling them that your day, “Sucks a bag of d786s!” is not appropriate and may even get you written up. Even if you tell them something innocent, such as “I’m going to my friend’s house after work,” they don’t care or even want to know. It was shocking to me when I finally realized that these strangers didn’t really want an honest answer from me.

I don’t know

Without thinking, even while knowing that I do in fact know the answer, I will say I don’t know if I think someone is accusing me of something. For instance, when my husband says, “Who ate my cheesecake?” I might have cheesecake dangling from my bottom lip, but I will stand by my response of, “I don’t know.”

This cannot mean I have great character. I like to find any excuse to remove some of the shame that this makes me feel by saying it is a panic induced response. I hope I’m not really that kind of person.

I’m great. And you?

Let’s clear something up right now. I have been great a total of three times in my life and none of them involved speaking with the public. I am not great. In fact, I am often one second away from a complete meltdown. My life is a clusterfuck. Even so, I love it.

I will always and forever answer, “Great. And you?” when asked how I am, though. Because you and I both know that nobody really wants the honest answer to that question. This is the only other acceptable response to getting asked how you are other than the, “Living the dream.”

If your life is actually great, I’m happy for you. I don’t need to know that though.

However, I don’t believe it is all great for anyone, no matter what anybody might claim. Just saying.

And also, nobody likes a brown-noser.

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Posted in Life

Gone In An Instant: The Images Of My Life

The pictures of my life gone
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This illusion – presented as a moment — has always been named a memory to me – Kylie

To make sure that I start this article off on a hugely depressing note, I would like to begin with a fire that devastated my little apartment when I was a young wife with two small children.

It was a dark night, as nights tend to be, and I had put the children to bed and was preparing myself for the same. I heard my small dogs barking ferociously all of a sudden. This wasn’t like them as they did not have little man syndrome like most little dogs do. Nervous since my husband was at work that night, I got up to investigate.

At first, nothing seemed amiss, but it wasn’t long before I smelled the distinct odor of smoke. Since I knew that I was not at a bonfire, I was immediately uneasy and ran looking out all of the windows. Nothing seemed wrong, so I headed back to bed. As soon as I got comfortable, the dogs started up again. I waited about 10 minutes while also yelling in my loudest whisper for them to shut the hell up. Then, I got up and walked back out to the living room. This time I looked out the peep hole thinking maybe I had a midnight visitor which would be completely uncalled for and unexpected.

I put my eye up to the peep hole, looked out, and all I saw was flame. Four seconds later, I felt the heat from the door that had transferred onto my face causing a slight burn. Panicking, but also realizing how lucky I was to be on the ground floor, I grabbed my children and my dogs in one fell swoop. That is not a little feat for someone who that weighed 99 pounds. Yet, I was somehow able to open the dining room window and get all of us outside in one motion.

Within moments a crowd had gathered around and the fire department was busy doing their job with the fire. They determined that someone walking by had tossed a cigarette butt causing the pine straw that lined the entire building exterior to catch fire. Hours later, I was left with healthy animals and children, minor smoke damage to my lungs, a few burns, and the complete loss of everything I owned. Anything that had not burned was ruined from the smoke or the water.

It was my first time ever considering the trauma of losing these kind of items. I had known of it in the past, but I have never taken the time to consider the implications of memories that can never be replaced or heirlooms that have been surviving throughout centuries burned in a flash.

A burning photograph with a woman crying on it.
Photo by PH romao on Unsplash

Being a mother and a woman, I shoved my feelings of loss to the side and moved on with rebuilding my life. The Red Cross stepped in as well as insurance and replaced furniture and clothes in addition to providing a new apartment. This was possible because we did opt to pay the extra nine dollars a month to have Renters insurance, although at the time we never thought we would use it. Isn’t that what everyone thinks?

I thought I got through that time pretty much undamaged until I realized later in life that I was a photo hoarder and almost obsessive with my memory making. All of my childhood photos and the baby pictures of my children were burned in the fire. I often thought about all the albums and scrapbooks I had back then. I missed the countless hours that I would spend pulling out these albums to reminisce about my childhood or adding to them with each little event in my children’s lives.

Starting over is something I have had to do many times. It has never been easy, but mostly necessary and my decision. Losing all of your material possessions adds a new traumatic twist to things. Too ashamed to express anything other than my extreme gratitude that no one was hurt, I didn’t allow myself to grieve for my memories that were lost until many years later.

Black and white photo of a man and baby with a pocket watch set beside the old photo.
Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

This is not the end of the story.

As history tends to do, it repeated itself many years later. My children were older and I had remarried and had two more children. My first husband had passed away and I was married to my second husband who turned out to be a narcissistic piece of shit if you want me to put it politely.

During one of his drug induced jealous rages, he hit me where he knew it would hurt the most by pulling out all of my photographs and burning them in front of my face. It was one of many traumatic and cruel things he did just because he could.

These unhappy stories from my past are not ones I tell many people for obvious reasons. But I do get tired of getting told to stay in the moment instead of taking pictures. I am an adult. I know what I should do. I also know that I am doing my best and that is good enough for me. Any issues I have or don’t have is not their business. I will keep on replacing, capturing, and making memories as often as I can. Anyone that doesn’t like that can turn away, walk off, or shut up.

A beautiful picture of a family facing a sunset. They are standing on a log and there are several more logs around.
Photo by Haseeb Jamil on Unsplash

Admittedly, I have not learned a whole lot in my lifetime, but one of the few things I have learned is that everyone has different experiences and traumas that make them who they are at any given moment in time. We don’t need to apologize for the way we have chosen to get through this life, or how we heal, or how we grow. We don’t need to explain our idiosyncrasies to anyone for any reason.

I do not plan to stop documenting memories or capturing the images of my life. Legacies do not leave themselves.


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Posted in creeps, Humor, Life

Defeated By A Cougar

Cougar in attack mode
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The day in question started as a normal but stressful day. It ended up being entertaining as hell and I also felt like I made a difference in a possible future douche bag transition. What I’m trying to say is, There’s a very good possibility that because of my extreme roll reversing humiliation that I might have caused a future misogynistic douche bag in training to turn into a feminist based gentleman.

I’m sure that’s probably a stretch but I am willing to say that that’s a possibility. At the very minimum, he learned there are some women you don’t mess with and he needs to tread carefully before he gets his ass beat by a 5 foot 3 inch, 115 pound girl. Actually, I’m a woman but I like to sometimes refer to myself as a girl because I’m all about wishful thinking.

Before I go any further, you may want to read up on my first article I posted here about this issue. I have published a couple, but this one was the first which touched on the harassment that I face on a daily basis over messenger.Harassment via Facebook MessengerEver since I opened my Facebook page to the public (to advance my Real Estate and writing career),I have been harassed…link.medium.com

Before I begin, I would like to apologize in advance for the massive amount of screenshots I will be posting as evidence of this experience. I have deleted his last name and profile picture and some half assed way to protect his identity from being revealed as an online woman harasser. I would also like to note that as a general rule, he has been much more polite than some of the others, but he caught me on the wrong day and ended up getting a lesson that I hope he will pay attention to.

It all started in response to a Facebook post that I did concerning a car I was trying to sell.

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Screenshot by Author

This first screenshot shows him reaching out to me in reference to my car. He expresses that he wants it and wants to know how I will get it to him. Since he is clearly in another country located oceans away, I rather snuggly tell him that he cannot have it unless he comes over here to Georgia and drives it back. I thought the case was shut at that point. I was wrong.

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In the next message he plays with me that he does not in fact have the money to pay for the car but that he would be very appreciative if I gifted it to him. That set my nerves a fire because, in my personal life at the moment, I am surrounded by people that don’t want to work and want to be handed everything. I will admit that that is definitely a trigger for me.

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Screenshot by Author

OK this is my lengthy and really sarcastic response to his barely veiled attempt to get me to give him my car. I will admit that I had had a bad day so I probably was a little bit harsh but I don’t regret it. I have two daughters and I hope that they will put these jerks in their place when they do this kind of crap to them too.

Before I post the next section, I would like to point out that never did he try to argue with the fact that I said I owned a helicopter.

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Screenshot by Author

Things went straight from my response above to his apparent offer for me to come over there and live with him as his wife, and American trophy, so we could start a business together. At this point, I started becoming amused because this is clearly the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard. This man must really think American women are some dumb idiots that just fell off the turnip truck. So, I decided to give him what he was looking for.

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Screenshot by Author

I am pretty proud of the above work because it is all a bunch of nonsense and shit talking design to make him see that I am clearly messing with him. However, he does not see that and I don’t know if that’s from the language barrier or if he is just really ignorant.

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Screenshot by Author

In this message, he tries to backtrack and say he was just enjoying a happy vision of us together in Pakistan. Mind you, at this point, I still don’t know who this guy is or even what he looks like. I don’t care enough to even pull up his profile picture.

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Screenshot by Author

I think this one is my favorite response that I sent him. It is a perfect blend of completely over the top sarcasm, but also combines subtle flirtation by comparing him to Justin Timberlake. I don’t know if he knows who that is but I’m pretty sure he looked it up. after this one, I was sure he would not message me again. But once again, I was wrong. This tends to be a consistent theme with me and predicting the behavior patterns of men.

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Screenshot by Author

Here he tries to bow out gracefully, but I do not allow it. I continue on with my ridiculous antics.

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Screenshot by Author

The uncertainty and nervousness that he is showing in this message is a beautiful thing. Finally, he is starting to see that I am not being genuine with him, or if I am that I am quite possibly bat shit crazy.

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Screenshot by Author

I intentionally step things up a notch. This is to increase any uncomfortable feelings he may be experiencing in response to being the harrassed instead of the harasser.

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Screenshot by Author

At this point, his unease is visible and palpable. He is pulling out any and every excuse he can to try and get away from me now. He is frantically. trying to shut the can of worms that he pried open with his unsolicited advances.

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Screenshot by Author

Please be advised that I am completely aware of the time difference between here and Pakistan. However, I do not want him to become aware of the fact that I own any brain cells yet. He is obviously ingrained to believe that women are morons, especially American ones.

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Screenshot by Author

He tries blatantly ignoring my existence, so I purposely sent him a message after a few minutes to let him know that I am still around.

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Here he tries to back out of the mess he has gotten himself into. Bless his heart, he does try to do it in a nice way.

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Screenshot by Author

This saga finally ended as all great stories must. I was entertained for hours, a lesson was learned by him, and maybe the world is rid of one less douche.

I may not have won the war against the creeps on messenger, but I won this battle.

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Posted in Career, Life, property management, tips, Uncategorized

Maintaining Composure During Heated Situations

Staying calm at work

Curse words spewed out of my mouth and into the tenant’s face. This wasn’t the first time that I had been pushed to my breaking point by being screamed at, cussed out, and sometimes pushed around. As a landlord, aka property manager, I have many houses to manage all over every part of my city. I have learned how to deal specifically with each section of the public.

There are the elitist tenants who call me every second about everything. They, for the most part, cannot do any home repair items themselves. This includes changing air filters, smoke detector batteries, and resetting tripped breakers. They hide their ignorance by flaunting their money. They have been brainwashed into thinking money is the same as intelligence. They hide their loneliness by talking, whining, and complaining to everyone they meet.

There are the poor tenants who struggle to survive who blame me personally when they can’t pay their rent. They will drive to my office and threaten me if eviction is looming. They never call about maintenance issues unless it is dire because they just want to be left alone and don’t want anyone seeing the messy state of their frantic lives.

There are the young tenants who are living alone for the first time and need help with everything from how to pay rent, use of an online app to submitting a maintenance request.

Then there are the old tenants who live alone or with a spouse listening to the echoes of their children in the halls from years past. They look forward to any contact and will happily chit chat with someone who calls, from telemarketer to me or my staff, for hours.

At any given moment, I can go from being physically pushed and verbally abused to spending half an hour talking with the sweetest little old lady I’ve ever met. It took me a good year to learn how to maintain my composure during these swift emotional transitions. I had to create boundaries and try to stick with them, becoming never too mad, too attached, or too invested in any one person’s circumstance.

Of course, this doesn’t always work and sometimes I lose my footing. I have dropped my professionalism down the tubes and hit back, yelled back, babysat, bought food, bought clothes, and loaned rent money. I have regretted doing this most of the time. I usually end up getting taken advantage of once anyone sees that I have heartstrings to pull. I have people that have turned on me as soon as I helped them.

I would like to think I have learned my lesson, but someone will come along and test my boundaries and find them lacking. Setting boundaries is essential in this line of work, as in many others that deal with the public.

You have to work hard not to become jaded because people lie about anything if it benefits them somehow. My sense of humor and not taking things personally have really been the two biggest things to keep me successful in this career and not burned out and jaded.

I continue to always look for the little acts of human kindness that are shown periodically. That brings fresh air to every one of us. Sometimes those little acts are enough to keep going for.

By setting boundaries, keeping my sense of humor, and searching for human acts of kindness every day, I am able to survive this work and hope that I have made a difference to someone, somewhere along the way.


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Posted in Humor, Life

The Religious Need To Stop Talking And Start Doing

I recently learned that most of my religious friends were only pretending. I was always the odd one because I didn’t go to church or practice religion, but we just didn’t talk about it and we were fine. However, I didn’t expect that these “Christian” friends of mine would shun me so quickly for taking in a homeless person who we all knew from school. She had just gotten over a drug problem and was, according to her, trying to make a better life for her and her daughter. So, I moved her in. Just like that, my friends no longer felt comfortable at my house.

This shouldn’t have surprised me so much, especially since one of these friends had done nothing but let me down and be passive aggressive in the past few years. She just thought we were all too dumb to notice it, but we all saw through her cattiness. She would talk out of both sides of her mouth, as my mama always says.

But it did surprise me. Because this person made sure everyone knew she went to church on Sundays with her family. And she used to be different. She used to be someone who would help others. Now, she just talks shit about anyone in her line of vision. I guess she doesn’t realize yet how easily that person could be her.

Man with his back turned to people wearing hat that says, “Love Your Neighbor.”
Photo by Nina Strehl on Unsplash

I try not to let this hurt me but to see this as the final straw. Her character had finally been revealed to me and before this God that she pretends to try to impress on Sundays. I am better off without someone like this even though it has always been hard for me to turn my back on anyone. The feelings I have for her now will prevent me from forgiving this one of her misdeeds, though.

I don’t care if the person I took into my home gets her life back on track in the end or not because that’s not on me. I did my part. I took an action beyond saying, “I’ll pray for you.” I showed my love. I hope one day this friend, who left me for this act, will look in the mirror and fix the ugliness that has descended upon her character. I fear she might face a hard lesson in the future, if not.

We all fall down. Look around you and see who’s there for you when you do. It’s an eye-opening experience. It’s often not the ones we would imagine it to be. Unfortunately, all too often, the ones we expect the most out of let us down more often than otherwise. If I have learned anything the hard way, it is that not everyone has the heart that I do or the feelings I have. What may be important to me, might not be important to someone else.

Hand held up to the sun in a circle.
Photo by Daoudi Aissa on Unsplash

I’m fine with that. As long as we are talking about mayonnaise or hobbies. I do not hold well with friends that have bad characters. That is not something I can overlook as just a minor flaw.

I am not going to let this hurt me anymore. I have friends and, although I will miss her, I don’t need any more enemies. I wish her the best, but not with me.

I wish more religious people would put their words into action and their money where their mouth is.

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Posted in Content, creeps, Humor

Seduced By Messenger

His audacity shocked me. Sweat glistened on his face in his profile picture. His 1970’s era thick mustache was clearly something he was proud of while the toothpaste splattered mirror in his picture’s background had not been cleaned very recently, if ever.

I stared at him and read his message forty-three times back to back, trying to figure out if this was real. Was my wildest fantasy finally coming to fruition?Not two minutes later, but before I could respond, he messaged again. This time it was a GIF with a rose, heart, and a teddy bear. All the things every woman on the face of the earth loves according to every man. It was at that pivotal moment when I made the decision to break the bond I had with my husband and message back this studly speciman. Trying to resist this kind of obviously fated connection was just ludicrous and pointless.

I was beginning to type out my erotic, but love filled, response to him when his third message came through. I opened it, scanned it, and I knew that I had to have my tubes untied as soon as humanly possible so I could carry his child. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and the only thing I have ever wanted. It was a dick pic from a stranger. That’s right. Every woman’s dream

Sweating profusely now, I started typing. I put a lot of thought in my response so he would know how much I appreciated every one of his messages. But before I could hit send, I got another message notification.

This time it just said, “Bitch.” I quickly finished my heartfelt message and pressed send. Half a second later, it gave me an indication that I had been blocked and my message did not go through to him.

Well, crap. I lost Prince Charming. Let this be a lesson to us all. I made the decision to stay with the amazing husband that I had.

Public Service Announcement: This is purely satirical and for fun. No one likes that, Randy. Cut it out. Go clean your bathroom mirror.

Before this woman, the attention you try and spark will never ignite — Kylie

Posted in Humor

My Son Turns 14 Today

14 years ago today, I had my youngest son. He is the third out of my four children and he is the one who has tested every boundary I have ever put down. His love is strong and his humor is sharp. Happy Birthday Nolan I love you!

Photo by Author
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Posted in Humor

The Tween Daughter And The Chamber Of Chocolate

Literally overnight, I lost my child. Her love and affection seemed suddenly and completely lost to me forever. She went to bed a sweet, loving child of ten and woke up with a period and an attitude problem. I don’t want to trivialize this. It was not just an attitude. It was awful. I was not prepared for this.

My oldest daughter didn’t menstruate until she was thirteen, just like me. I blame my youngest’s excessive diet of chicken nuggets. Silently, nature declared defeat in the battle against my nurturing.

Suddenly, smiling was only for losers. And I was Queen of the loser club, gathering recruits everywhere I went. Everything that anyone in our household did or said quickly annoyed her to no end. I tried to not get offended by her sudden spurning of me, but my heart ached for the child I knew was now gone.

I called my mother one evening and was whining to her like I tend to do on most days. I told her I didn’t remember ever having an attitude like this or having hormonal rages. She scoffed and reminded me of how I treated her real quick. She also reminded me how I cried and literally stomped my feet at fourteen after being told I had eaten enough chocolate for the night. I locked myself in the bathroom for four hours after not getting tickets to the NKOTB concert, clearing delighting my parents with a break from me.

I have come to accept this inevitable change, but every now and then, I get a glimpse of my baby girl. Even so, I know the monster is just sleeping. I also know, as the mother of a grown daughter, that she will come back to me one day.

She will suddenly find herself calling me every day and missing the things she hates about me now. That is what is keeping me from despair.

I also know that by focusing on the growing pains, I am unable to see the masterpiece that is forming right in front of me. Through this suffering, a vibrant and brilliant woman will rise up ready to change the world.

In the meantime, I still have my dogs.

Posted in Humor

Was COVID Sent Here By Carol Baskin?

Her fire, faux innocence, and obsession with cats was obsessively terrifying. We hung on as a nation to see what dumb stunt would happen next on the Netflix series. We were so transfixed that we couldn’t see it was a distraction from the virus being sprayed on us all. I think I remember hearing the planes that did it.

I know. It sounds like a stretch, but at this point, after this year, anything could have happened. Anything sounds more logical than one guy eating a bat in China that caused the whole world to get sick.

I have decided that Carol Baskin was involved. And, just like any great politician, I will stand by my theory, no matter what any doctor from the CDC says

The Warning Signs

If you watch just the first episode you can see she is clearly fighting for world domination. Now that the Tiger King is out of the way, it is only logical that she would try to take down the rest of us. She won’t stop until it is just her and the cats! Ignoring her blatant mental illness, you can see the crazy anger in her eyes as she sits with a Persian cat and wears a sweater with a cat knitted on it. She thinks of herself as a cat. When I was young, I wanted to be a red crayon, but I let that shit go, Carol! I’m an adult. I know I can’t be a red crayon

Ignore this at your own risk. I tried to warn you. She may look like a harmless, deranged aunt from Ohio, but she is not to be underestimated

Proof

Guess who doesn’t have COVID?

Cats. *drops mic and walks away*