Posted in Humor, WTF

3 Strange Opinions I Hide That Are Guaranteed To Offend

How are these opinions not obviously correct?

Former pinions guaranteed to offend somebody
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Opinions are like anuses; everybody has one. But my husband has banned me from bringing them up online or at parties. I really have no choice other than to bring these strange opinions up now, and then it will be out of my system. Please note that these are my opinions so I am not looking to argue. That is what Facebook is for.

News

I hear people talking crap about the propaganda that is spilled out of North Korea on a daily basis. Or China’s propaganda or Japan’s. The same people then sit down and watch our news for 10 to 12 hours straight. How do they not see that the news is our own propaganda? We are handed propaganda at every turn churches or news or media.

The American media has always had an agenda. They are a conglomerate capable of much more than what they actually do. They show only what they want to be seen and tell only what they want to tell.

What if, instead of inciting and dividing, they unified us as a people? Why do they divide us? Are the powers that be scared of a unified people? Hence the saying, divide and conquer?

Two of the animals that didn’t fit on a boat someone built for every species.
Photo by James Lee on Unsplash

Noah’s Ark

I’m sorry in advance. No one, even the best boat builder around, could build a boat big enough to fit all the species in it. And then, he supposedly did it in his backyard. I stand by my argument that this story is a fable or parable and not a fact. Logic should support me on this. I will not pull out measurements to show this is not feasible.

Racism is real

Racism is real. White privilege is real. It doesn’t mean all lives don’t matter. It means all lives do matter, including black ones. It doesn’t mean we have to keep living like that. We can all come together and implement changes to change things. It will take a while, but all good and worthy things do.Be the change you want to see. But, first, you have to open your eyes.


Posted in credit repair, Debt, Finance, Life, money

Paying Off Debt Quickly Using The Snowball Method

Using this method, paying off debt can be done with fast results and skyrocketing credit scores

A lady exasperated by her debt, trying to figure out how to pay it all
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We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

-Aristotle

A debt snowball is not a crumpled up wad of bills for you to throw around in the snow. It is a debt reducing strategy that I learned from financial guru, Dave Ramsey. I have tried almost every financial strategy in existence and this one is the one I recommend to my financial or credit analysis clients.

Using this method, paying off debt can be done a little at a time for faster results and skyrocketing credit scores.

Step 1

Add up all of your debt and allocate them into categories such as credit cards, medical, collections, loans, etc. Then further allocate them by the ones with the highest interest rate down to the lowest. Use the method on each section or, if you can only do one at a time, start with the debt that has interest on it.

Step 2

Pay the minimum payment due on all except the one with the smallest balance or the highest interest rate. I would recommend sorting first by interest rate and then by balance to save the most money in the long run. However you decide to do it, pick the one to pay as much over the minimum payment as you can afford.

Repeat until the first debt is paid off in full.

Step 3

Repeat the first two steps over and over with the remaining debt until everything is paid off and you are one of the rare, debt-free individuals that we hear about so often.

After that final debt is cleared, you will be amazed how fast things got better for you financially and regretful for how long it took you to do it. Suddenly, you’ll be in the position to buy something that you need when you need it and use cash. Being debt free is an amazing feeling to have especially if you have almost drowned from it before.


That doesn’t sound like a big deal to some people, but I know many, many people who pray for only that circumstance to happen in their lives before they die. They just want a chance to not worry constantly about making ends meet for a few moments in their life before it’s over.

I am a definite realist and true unbeliever in fairy tales. So, please believe me when I tell you that this goal is attainable for everyone. Anyone willing to put in the work can make this happen. As with anything else, small changes and/or steps done on a consistent basis will quickly lead to great accomplishments.

My favorite financial quote has always been, “It is not how much money you earn, but how much you don’t spend that determines your wealth.” It is also a quote that I have heard from my brother 1 million times so it has stuck in my head. Which reinforces my point that anything we do repeatedly becomes an action.

Posted in Humor, Life, life lessons, WTF

Diary Of An Idiot

A diary laying on a pink background with beautiful flowers. It is an idiot's diary, though.
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The true story of when I ran myself over with my own car.


I ran myself over with my car. I had never felt more like an idiot in my life. I am lucky to be alive, actually. What a dumb way to die.

The morning started just like any other with me being frazzled and running late. I rushed through my morning routine, grabbed my work, and darted out the door. This is the same as any other weekday except on this particular morning, I was on the phone with a friend. She called me at 7:30 am to try and help me with getting my lazy ass out of bed, but we ended up chit chatting as I rushed around.

I hopped in the car, cranked it up, put it in drive, and got off the phone with my friend. Then, I realized, as I was backing up, that I had forgotten my lunch in the house. I jumped out and headed to the house to go get it. I saw the car moving in my peripheral vision.

I turned around and was horrified to see my car backing up out of my driveway with my driver side door hanging open. I raced back to the car, in my heels, and grabbed the edge of the driver’s side door just as the car backed up out of my driveway.

I hung on as the car drug me across the street and into the neighbor’s yard before finally coming to a stop against the tree between my car and the neighbor’s house.

Luckily, the tree stopped serious damage, or worse, to myself and anything else.

The pain was not instant. It seemed to be on a twenty second delay. It came with an intensity that almost knocked me on my back again. Lunging, burning pain in my ankles, knees, and back. Blood pooled up on my knees and my ankles started swelling. I started mentally berating myself for not letting go of the car.

Then I started laughing. Then, just as suddenly, I stopped laughing. That was the moment I realized all of my neighbors had caught this on their cameras.


Posted in Family, Humor, Life, life lessons, Satire

A Tragic Breast Story

The story of when my Aunt’s nipple fell off

My family has extremely bad luck, but most of us have two nipples

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I never thought I’d write about my Aunt’s nipple. At least, I’m not writing about my Uncle’s testicles. Yet.

This story has been passed around more than my high school best friend since this incident happened. People at bars have heard it. People at church have heard about it. I created a children’s book about it and read about it to my son’s kindergarten class. OK, well, maybe I didn’t do that. Yet.

I will preface this story by saying that my Aunt, my Mother’s sister, was very sexually active back in her day. She continued to be sexually active long after her day passed, also.

Breast cancer runs in our family and has caused many tragic, untimely deaths. So, in an effort to be proactive against cancer, my Aunt had a double mastectomy. She went ahead and had reconstructive surgery soon after and had those puppies lifted and enhanced.

Fast forward a while later. This is where things get foggy. I’m not sure if it was eight weeks or eight years, but she had taken her bra off during the night and her nipple fell out of her bra onto the floor. She reportedly yelled, “Shit!” out loud.

Honestly, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I can probably say that I wouldn’t have gathered my nipple up, set it aside for the night, and worried about it the next day.

Maybe she didn’t worry about it the next day despite what she says. Because to date she still does not have a nipple on one side. Yolo, I guess.

I may be the black sheep, but there’s a herd of us in my family.




Posted in Family, Humor, Life

My Siblings Are Amazing People, Despite Being Weird

.MA loving brother and two sisters standing together.
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Some would call me an accident. And by some, I mean my mother. In full disclosure though, she always said I was the best accident that she’s ever had.

My sister was 15 when I was born and my brother was 13. So I didn’t have very many years with them around before they flew from the nest with little thought to the foundling left behind. Which could be the main reason why we never learned to hate each other.

Growing up, my brother was definitely my biggest ally and caretaker. He would pull me around in a box, which in hindsight is not that great. But apparently, I loved it back then. It’s not as fun when you’re 42, though. My sister didn’t spend much time with me when I was very young because she was a social butterfly and the queen bee of our little town.

My brother married the love of his life shortly after leaving for college. He excelled in his career and still is the best husband I’ve ever seen up close. He dotes on his family. He has continuously educated himself and moved up in every aspect of his life. I am only now just beginning to understand how important it is to keep growing and learning as a person.

My sister became my best friend when I was a little older. As a teenager, I thought the sun rose and set on her. She was my hero for many years.

As adults, we have both been prone to impulsiveness and bad decisions. We both love to prank people and can be somewhat obnoxious at times. There have been many moments in my adulthood that I wouldn’t have made it through, if she hadn’t been my ally. For the most part, we are always there for each other when we need each other.

There is not another man, other than my husband, that I respect more than my brother. If more men were as good at being a husband as he always has been, this world’s divorce rate would plummet. There is not another person on this planet that can make me laugh as much as my sister can.

I don’t want to make any of this go to their heads, because it will. And my sister cannot afford that at all. I just wanted to take a moment to praise them, because all I hear about from my kids how much they hate each other. Not all of them do that, but most of them do. And if they don’t say it, it is very evident in their actions.

I know they love each other, because when any one of them is sick they will ask about the ill one behind closed doors. I guess it would be considered a sign of weakness to them, if they thought anyone knew they really cared.

I pray that they will grow out of this feeling. Other parents have assured me that they will, but I never have had ill feelings towards my siblings so I wouldn’t know about that.

I would love to post a picture of my brother and sister, but one of them is immensely private. I don’t feel right about posting one and not the other. However, I will post their Social Security numbers. Kidding…

I would really love to hear about other people’s relationships with their siblings. I would especially love to hear about siblings that grew up not liking each other, but ended up becoming really close as adults.

In this life we will never truly be apart, for we grew to the same beat of our mothers heart.

Daphne Fandrich

Posted in animals, Humor, Life, life lessons

5 Animals I Would’ve Loved If I Had Met Them

They are extinct so nobody will meet them. Thanks, humans.

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Humans are destructive jackasses. There is there’s not another way to put it. We evolved and then totally destroyed everything we have ever been given. We took the beautiful and turned it into the extinct. We destroy everything we touch.

We ruin everything. For example, why make a Grease 2? You don’t always have to piggyback on the success of something. Don’t get me started on the Fast and The Furious serious.

We have ruined more than landscapes, and movies. I would like to play homage to some of the extinct species that we caused or partly caused to go away forever.

The Ibis

The Reunion Ibis bird was extinct by the early 18th century due to human hunting and predatory animals being introduced to the area along with other animals that would compete for food in the Ibis’ habitat. Similar to the dodo bird. It probably hosted huge family reunions every summer across the country and they had matching shirts. Rest in peace, young reunion bird.

A duck

The Labrador Duck — extinct due to human competition for mussels and other shellfish. I imagine this duck retrieving tennis balls and slobbering like hell. I am sorry to not have met you, Labrador Duck. We would have played fetch for hours.

A wolf

The Tasmanian wolf went extinct in 1936 for multiple reasons. We hunted them and we destroyed their habitat.

I imagine this animal to look like a majestic wolf. But with a personality disorder causing him to be spastic like the Tasmanian devil.

An ass

The Atlas Wild Ass — much like a donkey, it became extinct due to Roman sport hunting. Obviously, I imagine this animal to be a donkey with an atlas on it instead of stripes. And he has an attitude problem.

A bear

The Californian Grizzly — I have never met a bear, but if I had to choose want to meet it would be this one. This bear would be way too chill to kill you. He would probably be high and he probably would fight the forest fires alongside the firemen.

This species died due to hunting. Imagine that.

A field with flowers in it.
Photo by Katie Drazdauskaite on Unsplash

Rest in peace. Don’t worry. We are destroying our own habitat, too. Karma is making her way to us.