Posted in Humor, Life, life lessons, WTF

Tourette’s Syndrome Is Different From Having No Filter

I don’t have Tourette’s but I still shout things out when I’m nervous

Tourette's Syndrome spelled out in red on a yellow background.
Canva

I’m a fish out of water in a church environment. Actually, anywhere groups of strangers form. I get in a crowded situation and my mind just goes to mush. Then, my mouth opens and verbal diarrhea spills out.

If I was a real doctor, instead of just pretending to be one, I would probably diagnose me with Social Anxiety Disorder. So, obviously, I try and avoid big groups of people.

Nothing can be avoided forever. My friend’s mother passed away recently from COVID. I could not make the service because, I knew what would happen if I went, and I had to work. I didn’t want to look callous because I did care and wanted to show my support. So, I decided to go to the after service memorial, which was located at my friend’s house.

The Memorial

I took extra care at work to not over frazzle myself. I am out in the field a good majority of my day, which means I look like a hot sweaty mess by the time the end of the day comes. I made myself look presentable and raced as fast as I could to make it across town before the party started.

I don’t like making an entrance. I always prefer to be first so I can be the one staring at the newbies walking in. I got there, but I was not first. Or even fiftieth. People were everywhere.

I slunk behind people and entered the house. People were milling about all through the downstairs and the kitchen. I looked for my friend, her family, or anyone familiar.

I finally spotted someone I knew across the room. It was my friend Pete. I got excited to finally see a familiar face. I tried waving but he didn’t see me. He was immersed in a conversation with a grandmotherly figure. So I decided to slightly whisper his name.

“Penis!” I shouted.

Three penis shaped vegetables line up in a row.
Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

You could hear a pin drop. The next few seconds were only comprised of silence, sweat, and the blood rushing to redden my face.

Obviously, I left immediately after stammering, “I meant Pete.”

The next time you do or say something mortifying, just remember me. This is the kind of social ineptitude that I am known for in my circle. But at least I can make you feel better about yourself.

You’re welcome.


Author:

Real Estate Agent, Landlord, Micro-Investor and Finance Specialist. Enjoys sarcasm, wit, wine and writing. Dogs are the answer to everything.

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