Posted in Humor, Ideas, Life

5 Simple Ways To Gain Massive Street Cred

I might not look like it, but gangsta is used often to describe me

I work on the south side of my town. Much like other towns, some of the areas are not the best on the “south side.” Some are considered dangerous. I’ve never had any problems.

In fact, I enjoy the people here so much better than on the ritzy side of town. I have broken down on the side of the road and had more than three people rush to help me.

I do avoid nefarious situations, though. For instance, I don’t hang out in dark alleys. I also hate smiling. That tends to keep most people away.

Teardrop tat

I don’t know that I’ve actually ever met anybody in a gang. But I’m going to go ahead and say, “Yes, I have.”

Anyway, two youths referred to me as, “Gangsta as f**k!”

That means, I have street cred which is short for street credibility. That means I have been validated as someone raised on the streets by others of the same description. Basically, I’m in a club by initiation.

I don’t have a teardrop tattoo yet because I have not ever killed anybody and I don’t plan on it. So instead, I will get eyeliner tattooed on.

In the meantime, I just wear a butt-load of eyeliner. Sometimes, I’ll draw tears on with a sharpie to increase my standing in the gangster community.

Sagging my slacks

I actually have a professional job so I can’t sag my jeans. So I have to sag my slacks. The effect is not the same when you’re wearing a skirt, just so you know. And it’s impossible with a dress.

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Photo by Andrew Le on Unsplash

Bitch Slap

I don’t fight. I’m too physically fragile for all of that nonsense. But I will throw out a good bitch slap when needed.

I also have a taser and I’m not afraid to use it. But, I have never used it. I also have a gun I’ve never used as well.

But, as I mentioned earlier, I’ve actually had no problems on the horrible side of town that I work on.

A gang is a club

I’m in a club, much like a gang member, except we help the community and try not to shoot people. We discuss current events. Otherwise known as gossip.

We like to read, so some might call us a book club. Regardless, two are in menopause, one has grandchildren, and three have kids under age ten at home.

Gangster is subjective. We are women. We are moms. We will f**k up anyone from any street.


Author:

Real Estate Agent, Landlord, Micro-Investor and Finance Specialist. Enjoys sarcasm, wit, wine and writing. Dogs are the answer to everything.

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