Posted in Trump

Breaking News: Trump Hates TikTok

Orinially posted on August 21, 2020 on Medium

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I woke up this morning and checked my news app like I always do expecting fully to see some more statistics regarding the virus. However to my dismay, the fact that Trump is banning TikTok took cover. Why in the world does he have it out for TickTock? We have 1 million other things ruining our society that he could be focused on.

Not only that, but someone should ban him from Twitter. His PR person is terrible. His tweets alone are reason enough to not like him. And that’s discounting the actual terrible acts he performs in real life. And his misogyny.

I don’t know the exact reasoning behind his TikTok ban other than he’s blaming China for something again. In reality, a 14-year-old girl probably did an elaborate dance-filled impersonation of him and it really hurt his feelings. And once he got all up in his feels, he was most likely blocked from pressing the red button by his security team who are grossly underpaid no matter how much money they make.

Breaking news: there is more to life than politics. I am so sick of political nonsense taking up every bit of my Facebook feed and being the focus on every comment on Twitter. I realize that it is important and that it is also an election year, but there are so many other things that we could be focusing on that are just as important, if not more.

A troll doll that looks like Trump
Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Trumps opinion on anything ranks right up there with the opinion of a cat turd. I realize I am opposed by a lot of people by having this opinion, but that bothers me none. I am able to respect others that have different views than me. And other than this article and a few other things on my blog, no one has any clue to my political affiliations. I don’t argue with people over my views or engage in pointless debates that will change no one’s mind in the end.

I am so tired of hearing about Trump and yet here I am talking about him. That’s where his genius lay. Like him or not, I think we can all agree that we are tired of hearing about him, seeing him, and arguing about him. I am damn sure tired of reading his tweets. If you don’t see them on Twitter, you will see them in the news. I don’t know him personally, but he portrays himself to be the most arrogant person I have ever known to exist. How does one get to that level of self-love?

Based on what I can see from talking to family and friends, faith in our government and news sources is at an all time low. I wish there was a law that regulated that the news be given objectively without a political point of view or skewed vision. I also wish there was a law that they throw in some good news every now and then so everybody doesn’t grow up thinking that the world is a complete madhouse.

Why do politics, especially, cause such a division in our country? I don’t remember it being like this when I was growing up. Republicans and Democrats and liberals all mixed together.

Manners indicated you didn’t talk about politics and religion in a group setting. I think we should go back to that time. We need to respect each other’s beliefs. No one has ever changed their mind, that I’m aware of, from being yelled at over the Internet.

Please make it stop.


Posted in Humor, Life, satire

The Mansplanation

Mansplaining
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I once asked if water had calories in it. I am not proud of this moment. I was sixteen, but my obvious confusion by the laughter, cleared up immediately once Randy explained it to me. I knew that would happen. I only seem to be able to understand the logistics of something when a man is kind enough to mansplain it. My favorite thing is when they explain the workings of the female reproductive system.

A mansplanation is much like an explanation, but done so in a manner that is easier to understand for us women. You know, because our brains don’t work like men’s do.

One time, I was at the gas station standing there completely flabbergasted about what kind of snack I wanted to eat. Then a helpful gentleman moseyed up behind me, grabbed my hips and said, “Excuse me, little lady. I’m just trying to help you when I tell you that you probably don’t need any chocolate or a cookie. There are bananas for sale upfront at $.89 each.” He winked at me and walked away. So, that is when I got my first felony.

Thousands of mansplanations later, I am a Property Manager of over 185 rental properties which includes having to oversee many different vendors and contractors. Many of which whom are older and maler than I am. Some have no problem getting direction from a woman, but others feel the need to try to argue with me and mansplain everything.

I’ve had them mansplain the way air filters work and where they go, how to reset a garbage disposal, and how to find the cheapest tampons. Yes, they know everything. There is literally no need for us to learn anything.

But without the mansplanation, how would I have learned how to put air in my tires? How would I have learned the price per pound of groceries?

I hope one day to teach my own sons the art of mansplaining. I realize I am not a man, but I’ve experienced it enough to teach it, I believe. I’m sure a man will correct me if I’m wrong in this opinion.

Maybe once society gets this under their belt, we can work on the womansplanation. I’m imagining it to make a lot more sense and to include a lot more logic instead of, “Because I said so.” It might even include graphs and references.


Posted in Humor, Life, parenting

Is Your Child A Hypochondriac?

Is it a bruise or is it a horrible muscle disease treatable with only the blood from slugs
Is Your Child A Hypochondriac
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He was born dramatic. Any little twinge of pain would cause blood curdling screams to erupt from his tiny newborn lips. It didn’t get better as he got older. Instead, the screams got louder and the fury unfathomable. I clung to the hope that maybe he would be a singer or an actor.

Before the hypochondria set in, he was terrified of external items and situations. Trains were the first terrorizing thing for him and he was sure they were all out to get him. No matter where we were at, if he heard a train, he would absolutely go ballistic. He would alternately panic and run off or just fall down in a heap of dead weight determined to go on no further.

Fall, and October specifically, were a disaster for many years due to his certainty that pumpkins were out to get him.

After the trains, it turned to the weather. Any ominous clouds meant that our deaths were imminent. Any weather at all was a tornado. The beach was not a place to vacation, but a hell on earth where hurricanes murdered people daily.

The weather stage seemed like it had no end in sight. Years passed and then, at eight years old, my son was told about WebMD. As you can imagine, this was my worst nightmare. I would come home from work to his pleading to go to the hospital. He had confirmed his worst fear by diagnosing himself with elbow cancer or sickle cell disease. I spent six months trying to convince him that he did not have AIDS.

This child is number three of my four biological children and holds first place for keeping me green at this mothering thing. Every issue or trial that he puts me through is completely new to me and never to be repeated again. It is also a new scenario for my own mother and any other parent that I have ever asked how to deal with his shenanigans.

Fast forward to now. He is a tall, handsome fourteen year old with a slew of friends and a sharp wit. He is confident and popular and shows no signs outwardly of the social skills I was worried about him having. However, he still wrestles with this hypochondria/paranoia. I try to shield him from as much as I can, but he finds ways to listen or watch the news. He alternates now between worrying about what catastrophe will shortly end all of humanity and what ailment that I am not worrying enough about, which will turn fatal any second.

I wish I could end this article with a statement such as, the extract of hummus ended up curing this! Or, his blood was low on orange juice and a quick infusion fixed him right up.

He is still a ball of nerves, but it has gotten better. However, we are both certain that I am dropping the ball on something. I told him that he has plenty of time to figure out specifically how I’ve failed him. He can tell the therapist when he’s older. For now, I will continue to make him safe and loved. He has learned to laugh at himself when he becomes unreasonable and I think that’s as good a place to start as any.


Posted in creeps, Humor, Life

Defeated By A Cougar

Cougar in attack mode
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The day in question started as a normal but stressful day. It ended up being entertaining as hell and I also felt like I made a difference in a possible future douche bag transition. What I’m trying to say is, There’s a very good possibility that because of my extreme roll reversing humiliation that I might have caused a future misogynistic douche bag in training to turn into a feminist based gentleman.

I’m sure that’s probably a stretch but I am willing to say that that’s a possibility. At the very minimum, he learned there are some women you don’t mess with and he needs to tread carefully before he gets his ass beat by a 5 foot 3 inch, 115 pound girl. Actually, I’m a woman but I like to sometimes refer to myself as a girl because I’m all about wishful thinking.

Before I go any further, you may want to read up on my first article I posted here about this issue. I have published a couple, but this one was the first which touched on the harassment that I face on a daily basis over messenger.Harassment via Facebook MessengerEver since I opened my Facebook page to the public (to advance my Real Estate and writing career),I have been harassed…link.medium.com

Before I begin, I would like to apologize in advance for the massive amount of screenshots I will be posting as evidence of this experience. I have deleted his last name and profile picture and some half assed way to protect his identity from being revealed as an online woman harasser. I would also like to note that as a general rule, he has been much more polite than some of the others, but he caught me on the wrong day and ended up getting a lesson that I hope he will pay attention to.

It all started in response to a Facebook post that I did concerning a car I was trying to sell.

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This first screenshot shows him reaching out to me in reference to my car. He expresses that he wants it and wants to know how I will get it to him. Since he is clearly in another country located oceans away, I rather snuggly tell him that he cannot have it unless he comes over here to Georgia and drives it back. I thought the case was shut at that point. I was wrong.

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In the next message he plays with me that he does not in fact have the money to pay for the car but that he would be very appreciative if I gifted it to him. That set my nerves a fire because, in my personal life at the moment, I am surrounded by people that don’t want to work and want to be handed everything. I will admit that that is definitely a trigger for me.

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OK this is my lengthy and really sarcastic response to his barely veiled attempt to get me to give him my car. I will admit that I had had a bad day so I probably was a little bit harsh but I don’t regret it. I have two daughters and I hope that they will put these jerks in their place when they do this kind of crap to them too.

Before I post the next section, I would like to point out that never did he try to argue with the fact that I said I owned a helicopter.

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Things went straight from my response above to his apparent offer for me to come over there and live with him as his wife, and American trophy, so we could start a business together. At this point, I started becoming amused because this is clearly the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard. This man must really think American women are some dumb idiots that just fell off the turnip truck. So, I decided to give him what he was looking for.

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I am pretty proud of the above work because it is all a bunch of nonsense and shit talking design to make him see that I am clearly messing with him. However, he does not see that and I don’t know if that’s from the language barrier or if he is just really ignorant.

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In this message, he tries to backtrack and say he was just enjoying a happy vision of us together in Pakistan. Mind you, at this point, I still don’t know who this guy is or even what he looks like. I don’t care enough to even pull up his profile picture.

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I think this one is my favorite response that I sent him. It is a perfect blend of completely over the top sarcasm, but also combines subtle flirtation by comparing him to Justin Timberlake. I don’t know if he knows who that is but I’m pretty sure he looked it up. after this one, I was sure he would not message me again. But once again, I was wrong. This tends to be a consistent theme with me and predicting the behavior patterns of men.

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Here he tries to bow out gracefully, but I do not allow it. I continue on with my ridiculous antics.

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The uncertainty and nervousness that he is showing in this message is a beautiful thing. Finally, he is starting to see that I am not being genuine with him, or if I am that I am quite possibly bat shit crazy.

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I intentionally step things up a notch. This is to increase any uncomfortable feelings he may be experiencing in response to being the harrassed instead of the harasser.

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At this point, his unease is visible and palpable. He is pulling out any and every excuse he can to try and get away from me now. He is frantically. trying to shut the can of worms that he pried open with his unsolicited advances.

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Please be advised that I am completely aware of the time difference between here and Pakistan. However, I do not want him to become aware of the fact that I own any brain cells yet. He is obviously ingrained to believe that women are morons, especially American ones.

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He tries blatantly ignoring my existence, so I purposely sent him a message after a few minutes to let him know that I am still around.

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Here he tries to back out of the mess he has gotten himself into. Bless his heart, he does try to do it in a nice way.

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This saga finally ended as all great stories must. I was entertained for hours, a lesson was learned by him, and maybe the world is rid of one less douche.

I may not have won the war against the creeps on messenger, but I won this battle.

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Posted in Humor, Life

The Religious Need To Stop Talking And Start Doing

I recently learned that most of my religious friends were only pretending. I was always the odd one because I didn’t go to church or practice religion, but we just didn’t talk about it and we were fine. However, I didn’t expect that these “Christian” friends of mine would shun me so quickly for taking in a homeless person who we all knew from school. She had just gotten over a drug problem and was, according to her, trying to make a better life for her and her daughter. So, I moved her in. Just like that, my friends no longer felt comfortable at my house.

This shouldn’t have surprised me so much, especially since one of these friends had done nothing but let me down and be passive aggressive in the past few years. She just thought we were all too dumb to notice it, but we all saw through her cattiness. She would talk out of both sides of her mouth, as my mama always says.

But it did surprise me. Because this person made sure everyone knew she went to church on Sundays with her family. And she used to be different. She used to be someone who would help others. Now, she just talks shit about anyone in her line of vision. I guess she doesn’t realize yet how easily that person could be her.

Man with his back turned to people wearing hat that says, “Love Your Neighbor.”
Photo by Nina Strehl on Unsplash

I try not to let this hurt me but to see this as the final straw. Her character had finally been revealed to me and before this God that she pretends to try to impress on Sundays. I am better off without someone like this even though it has always been hard for me to turn my back on anyone. The feelings I have for her now will prevent me from forgiving this one of her misdeeds, though.

I don’t care if the person I took into my home gets her life back on track in the end or not because that’s not on me. I did my part. I took an action beyond saying, “I’ll pray for you.” I showed my love. I hope one day this friend, who left me for this act, will look in the mirror and fix the ugliness that has descended upon her character. I fear she might face a hard lesson in the future, if not.

We all fall down. Look around you and see who’s there for you when you do. It’s an eye-opening experience. It’s often not the ones we would imagine it to be. Unfortunately, all too often, the ones we expect the most out of let us down more often than otherwise. If I have learned anything the hard way, it is that not everyone has the heart that I do or the feelings I have. What may be important to me, might not be important to someone else.

Hand held up to the sun in a circle.
Photo by Daoudi Aissa on Unsplash

I’m fine with that. As long as we are talking about mayonnaise or hobbies. I do not hold well with friends that have bad characters. That is not something I can overlook as just a minor flaw.

I am not going to let this hurt me anymore. I have friends and, although I will miss her, I don’t need any more enemies. I wish her the best, but not with me.

I wish more religious people would put their words into action and their money where their mouth is.

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Posted in Content, creeps, Humor

Seduced By Messenger

His audacity shocked me. Sweat glistened on his face in his profile picture. His 1970’s era thick mustache was clearly something he was proud of while the toothpaste splattered mirror in his picture’s background had not been cleaned very recently, if ever.

I stared at him and read his message forty-three times back to back, trying to figure out if this was real. Was my wildest fantasy finally coming to fruition?Not two minutes later, but before I could respond, he messaged again. This time it was a GIF with a rose, heart, and a teddy bear. All the things every woman on the face of the earth loves according to every man. It was at that pivotal moment when I made the decision to break the bond I had with my husband and message back this studly speciman. Trying to resist this kind of obviously fated connection was just ludicrous and pointless.

I was beginning to type out my erotic, but love filled, response to him when his third message came through. I opened it, scanned it, and I knew that I had to have my tubes untied as soon as humanly possible so I could carry his child. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and the only thing I have ever wanted. It was a dick pic from a stranger. That’s right. Every woman’s dream

Sweating profusely now, I started typing. I put a lot of thought in my response so he would know how much I appreciated every one of his messages. But before I could hit send, I got another message notification.

This time it just said, “Bitch.” I quickly finished my heartfelt message and pressed send. Half a second later, it gave me an indication that I had been blocked and my message did not go through to him.

Well, crap. I lost Prince Charming. Let this be a lesson to us all. I made the decision to stay with the amazing husband that I had.

Public Service Announcement: This is purely satirical and for fun. No one likes that, Randy. Cut it out. Go clean your bathroom mirror.

Before this woman, the attention you try and spark will never ignite — Kylie