Posted in Ideas, Life, life lessons, love, Marriage, Relationships, tips

Ways To Find A Person Worthy Of Your Love

How I met an amazing man after two awful marriages

A young couple enjoying romance and true love on a beautiful beach.
Art By Author using www.canva.com

After two horrible marriages, I was absolutely determined never to fall in love again. My heart was battered and bruised and I had my children to raise alone. I was also financially devastated since neither one of my husbands had ever opted to pay child-support.

People with similar values, lifestyles, and goals will find each other. It is as if our hearts are radars that search each other out in the dark. This works for the bad as well, I would think.As much as this is true, it is hard to find people that have the same exact beliefs as someone else does. It is even harder to find someone that is worthy of your love. It seems to get harder the older you get. Or maybe you just put up with less.

After dating and marrying two men that could not have been much worse for me, I finally found a love worthy of my heart. I just got remarried for the third and final time. I found a man that treats me like a Queen. He puts up with enormous amounts of my shenanigans. He is everything that I never thought really existed. He is stable and responsible. He is the peace to my flame.

I was not looking for love. I wasn’t trying to find him or anyone else. I was not dating at all. I was focusing on myself, my children, and my future after a traumatizing second marriage. It turns out things can go from bad to worse, as I learned in that second marriage.

People ask me all the time how I got so lucky to meet such a good man. They obviously don’t know about my first marriage or my second. This made me think about what I had done differently this time. I also took a closer look at some of the other people I knew that were lucky enough to find true love.

Social events can serve a purpose

As for my happy ending, I met my amazing husband through my neighbor at a cookout. My neighbor had been trying for a while to set me up with this friend of his, but I just wasn’t interested in dating at the time. I actually had no intentions of ever dating again much less getting married.

I went to the cookout, at my next door neighbor’s house, more out of boredom than anything. I knew some friends would be there and needed an excuse to socialize with some wine. Suddenly, my neighbor walks up alongside this tall man and I knew instantly what was going on. I was not interested, but I wasn’t rude. We chatted for a moment and then it was time to eat. He wandered inside to get his plate.

A few minutes later, he reappeared and I was shocked to see that he had made me a plate and had brought it to me along with a chair. He had even buttered my corn. Fast forward to now. We are married, I am madly in love, and we still say he won me by buttering my corn.

Not all people online are creeps

Believe it or not, two of my favorite married couples both met on Match.com. This really surprised me. I had always thought online dating or apps like Tinder were for just hook ups. I was wrong. I was told most people that are serious about finding love go to the paid sites. The people that are just looking for hook ups go to the free sites such as Tinder. Don’t kill the messenger, that’s just what I was told.

Schools and dog parks have plenty of similarities

90% of the couples I questioned met in school. They either met in high school or in their college years. They all have been together ever since. Personally, I am glad I did not meet my soul mate that early because I was able to have a little bit of fun before my life turned into a total disaster.

One couple I interviewed met at a dog park. Their dogs actually connected first. This is my favorite story of the people I asked. It reminds me of something straight out of a romantic comedy. Once they started talking, they bonded immediately and exchanged phone numbers. He called her that night. They have seen each other every day since then. Only six months later, they were engaged. Eighteen months later, they were married. And ten years later, they are still married.

Weddings don’t have to suck

Going to a wedding does not always have to be awful and soul crushing. One couple that I questioned met at a wedding of a mutual friend. They both contemplated seriously not attending. They are still astounded about how one tiny decision affected their entire life and how close they came to missing it. Remember that the next time you are sitting in your underwear, eating a bag of chips and thinking about skipping that invitation.

It seems to me that the happiest couples found love when they were not looking. They were happy and satisfied with their lives alone. And then, right when they least expected it, the right person came into their lives.

Be kind to others, work on improving yourself and be open to trying new experiences. You just may find the love you have given up on.


This made me curious though. I knew that I played a part in my meeting of them in before him. I was determined that I would do things differently after those marriages, but I never got around to that.I started looking at my group of friends that were married or in love. I asked the seemingly happiest couples about the circumstances surrounding their meetings.

Posted in Marriage

Which Type Of Marriage Is Right?

Elegant, stylish young couple beautiful bridge and groom on the stairs
Made With Canca

Choices are everywhere and we are the sum of our choices. Will you marry? Will you marry for love? Will you marry the same sex? Once you make those decisions then you will have to decide on what type of marriage you want. I was recently educated about the fact that there are more than a few types of marriages out there. Finding one that will work for you is the goal. As someone who is on her third and final husband, I know now that you and your spouse-to-be have to come together in the union that will work for you both. Regardless of how that looks to outsiders.

Traditional

The one we all know. We are one person marries another person with the intention of staying married forever. Usually has a huge ceremony involving a church, but can happen anywhere at anytime. My first marriage was in a chapel and my second was in my mother’s backyard. My final and third marriage was done overlooking a cascading dam.

Polygamy

Just from a marriage as when one person marries several others. This is usually the case with one man and many wives. Apparently, that is acceptable, but the reverse is not. Hey, I don’t make the ridiculously ironic bullshit rules. Anyway, polygamy is illegal here in the United States. It still happens, though.

Open

You’re in a relationship, but not really, because you can f$&k whoever. I would like to wonder how many people this type of relationship has actually worked out for. I would really love some more information on the logistics of this, so if any reader has insights to share, please email me at kylie@kyliesells.com.

Common Law

Being common law married means that you have cohabited as a married couple for a certain amount of time without making it legal. So the law made it legal in order to protect and give rights to long term partners, to a certain extent. This usually protects significant others in will disputes.

Arranged

This marriage exists all over the world, even in the United States, but it is not spoken about much. Usually the parents of both the bride and groom negotiate a match. Sometimes with the help of a matchmaker. They want happiness for their child, of course, but also focus on finances, caste, and religious aspects. Love comes last and is expected to grow in time.

An official pushing an Indian bride and groom’s head together.
Photo by Pranav Kumar Jain on Unsplash

Is monogamy a natural process or a man made policy? We all feel attracted to other people, so why would God, or whoever our maker is, put that in as if it was wrong? People have been disputing this for centuries. Many people feel that the look but not touch rule is a good policy. The bottom line is you both have to set absolute boundaries in a relationship. Crossing those boundaries is a relationship deal breaker.

My husband and I both have been cheated on and lied to so we both crave trust and dependability more than anything. We are the perfect team in this business called life and have no illusions about what each other expects. For us, personally, it is all about keeping the lines of communication open.

After researching this, I have come to the conclusion that you do whatever you need to do to make your marriage work or to make your life work. For some, or many, that may mean no marriage at all. Who really cares if some judgmental person wants to throw their two cents in about you being single? They are most likely miserable shits anyway.

Love yourself, do good things, help others, take care of your family and your parents, and go to bed at night resting easy. Whoever the God is in charge up there will only commend your efforts. You cannot change my mind on this fact.


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Posted in Blended Family, Christmas, Family, Holidays, Life, Marriage, parenting

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays

My  blended family’s 2020 digital Christmas   Card.
Author Retains Right To Picturei

It is 6:46 pm on December 23 and I am still at my office, which is located roughly thirty minutes from my house. I stopped working at five. But I am so far behind in my Christmas shopping this year, that I have to begin most of my shopping tonight. As I look at my children’s Christmas lists and add things to carts online, I am reflecting back on what has to be one of the worst years of my life. However, instead of dwelling on that, I have decided to write about all the blessings I experienced instead.

Primarily, I got married to the most amazing husband who is pictured in the picture above. My kids and I love him more than words could ever articulate. He is the family that I have spent my entire life chasing. I won’t deny that when my wedding venue got cancelled on the eve of my wedding and then my honeymoon got cancelled the day of my wedding, I started to panic a little. That was all Covid’s doing, though. We figured it out and the wedding was even better than anticipated.

We have weathered the many, many trials 2020 has sent us together and the heavy stress has caused us to bend at times. But we didn’t break. And now, we are all stronger as a family. We may be chaotic and filled with one catastrophe after another but, as long as we stick together, we always come out of the other side stronger and more resilient. And, most importantly, grateful for every blessing we get.

Thank you to everyone that has followed my blog, sent me support and guidance, or just read my articles. I write this primarily for my own therapy. This blog has been another blessing that I cannot discount.

Merry Christmas to everyone, or Happy Holidays, or thank you. Every like, read, and comment was more support than I expected and it is very much appreciated. I sincerely hope that 2021 will be a different year for all of us, hopefully better, than 2020. If it is not, I will still find many blessings to count.