Posted in Blended Family, Family, Humor, Ideas, Life, parenting, Teenager, Uncategorized

5 Life Changing Experiences All Teenagers Should Have

Time is limited when it comes to making sure your teen doesn’t turn into a douchebag.

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We must act now to stop more entitled teenage brats or even worse, grown up douchebags, from being unleashed upon the world! The quota has been fulfilled. There are a multitude of ways to accomplish this, but the following is a list of experiences that I feel every teenager should experience, for his or her own benefit.

Volunteer

We need to make them understand, aka show them repeatedly and mention it non-stop, that there are people in the world that don’t have it as good as they do. We need to teach them how to give instead of take all the time. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of your labor, but you should also continually strive to help others.

Whether they are helping at the animal shelter or handing out food to the homeless, they need to understand the act of giving is so much more rewarding than just receiving all the time. This understanding can be life changing as a person. Live your life with a servant’s heart and you will never be poor.

Save

Teenagers and young adults should be taught early to save 25% of their income. I know that seems like a lot, but when they don’t have any outside, or aka real, expenses that is a doable figure. Then, when they do eventually move out and pay their own way, they will have to go down from 25% and, hopefully, they will stay around the 10 to 15% range. If they move out. Wink wink.

Healthcare

Having volunteered at a hospital, rehab center, or retirement home. How many teenagers will lose at least one friend in high school due to an accident or car wreck. But they need to understand the fragility of life. They need to treat life with appreciation and understand just one stupid decision can make it end very quickly. The life changing consequences of one bad decision can haunt them forever.

Two young teenage girls on a cell phone smiling and laughing.
Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Phone

I am a firm believer that teenagers should have to pay their own phone bill at a minimum, if not all of their bills. They use their phone for everything, including getting in trouble. It’s also good experience to know what paying a bill feels like and to know the feeling of that reoccurring pressure that they will soon be getting all too familiar with. Then you can just tell them to multiply that by 50. Don’t worry, you cannot make your child too responsible.

Sugar Baby

When I was in high school, I took a home economics class. I learned how to sew, cook a casserole, and balance a checkbook. Of course, if I was allowed to give a review, I would take off some points for not learning about credit scores and debt. But, that’s neither here nor there. By the way, if you put a review on the high school website they will take it off.

Again, I digress. The absolute most impressive thing that they did during this class was to make us care for a 5 pound bag of sugar as if it were a baby. You had to take constant care of it, or get a babysitter and log that, and wake up every two hours to “feed” and change it. And, yes, we had to keep a genuine cloth diaper that was laundered on it. I assume that a disposable diaper was also an option, but not for me. This was extremely aggravating and an accurate display of parenting. It was a genius move that got thrown away sometimes after my experience, but before my own children could benefit.There is no telling how many grandchildren are not being raised by grandparents due to this. I describe that as life changing.


Those items above are what I consider a few good ideas to instill some rapidly dying values into our youth. What are your best parenting tips?



Posted in Humor

Childhood Dreams That Won’t Die

As a child, none of my dreams included anything having to do with money. This is because, at the time, I had no idea what it was like to be broke as hell. Now, many years later, I have included money in my dreams and goals for the future. I am also still clinging on to a few dreams from my childhood. I tend to have really immature grown-up goals as well. I am aware that at my age, I’m supposed to be dreaming of cross-stitch, knick knacks, and IRAs. Or maybe gardening and bingo.

An image of fresh beets.
Photo by Melissa LeGette on Unsplash

Dwight Schrute

I would give absolutely anything to have my own personal version of Dwight Schrute working along side of me at my office so I could mess with him continually for my own pleasure. If that happened, I would be so excited to go to work every morning. As it stands, my current co-workers do not enjoy me messing with them and get offended. Nobody at my place of employment has obsessions with swords or beets.

Obviously I didn’t watch the office when I was a child, but I am including this dream of mine because it is clearly a ridiculous thing to want so badly as an adult.

The coolest phone that ever existed

When I was 13, I was the only one of my friends that didn’t have that super awesome phone that was shaped like a pair of lips with red lipstick. I’m not gonna lie, this is still on my bucket list even though I don’t even have a landline. I will get on just to meet this goal.

Actually, I would rather install this bad boy in my office so I could show it off more. It would let everyone that entered my office know that I had arrived.

A handful of gold coins laid out on the phone.
Photo by Syed Hussaini on Unsplash

Gold

When I was younger, I used to watch Duck Tales every Saturday. This habit caused me to desire the riches of owning a treasure chest full of gold. Even though I am proud of my accomplishments and successes, I don’t feel like I will have ever made it in life unless I have one of these in my living room. I also associate sugar cubes with financial success. Once I’m rich, I will only take cubes in my coffee. Loose sugar is for chumps.

If I do ever become rich, look out. I will be one of those eccentric rich old people that spend their money on charities and huge statues. I will buy billboards just to say snarky things along the interstate. I will use my money to do good things and also to amuse myself. I will also buy an ascot immediately.

Roger Rabbit

I used to love this movie. Actually, I still love this movie. I was also and still am jealous of Jessica rabbit. I am quite aware that this is a cartoon character, but dang she is hot and I wish I looked like her.

Will Ferrell

Don’t tell my husband, but I really feel like Will Ferrell is my soul’s twin. I feel like he is the only one that would totally understand my sense of humor. It is absolutely my second biggest goal in life to meet him and hang out with him for an evening or forever, whatever happens.

Knowing me, though, I would freeze up and act like a huge nerd instead of the hugely entertaining person I normally am, according to people that I pay.

My first goal is obviously for my children to grow up healthy, happy, and successful. But mainly happy.

An open book laid on a bed with lights in it.
Photo by Nong Vang on Unsplash

The book

I have always read a lot. I started reading when I was very young, around age 4, and quickly fell in love with it and have never stopped. Please note, according to my mom, this does not make me a genius.

As a child, I loved the escapism that books provided me. As an adult whose daily life is sometimes saturated in bulls&*t, I still think it would be the coolest thing in the world to find a book like that boy did in The Neverending Story. I could come home after a long day of jerkwads, pick up the magic book, and actually be transported to that world for a little while. With my luck, I would get trapped in The Shining or something like that.

Translator

This is actually a semi-mature and recent dream of mine, but my life would be so much easier if someone would teach my map and translation apps how to understand a southern accent. I am so tired of talking into my phone and having none of it be understood. If I am that hard to understand, then how come everybody can understand me in real life. Answer me that Siri?


At the end of the day, I think I am still an overactive twelve year old stuck in this 41 year old body. I guess the kid in me just doesn’t want to grow up.

I’m fine with that. I’d rather be a little, or a lot, immature than boring as hell.