Posted in Life

Amazing Home Remedies That Actually Work

Home Remedy
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As someone with no health insurance, I have become a self-titled expert on home remedies and unusual cures. Some I have found through research, some from recommendations, but most have been handed down in my family throughout the generations.

Thousands of remedies have withstood the test of time by being passed down through the generations of families. Even now, many people distrust the medical profession and think they run it like a business. Meaning that if you keep someone sick or dependent on a medication, you will keep generating a profit. I believe there is some truth to that but, having a chronic illness, I cannot always self-treat. Luckily, I absolutely adore my general practitioner. Much like husbands, for me, I went through a lot of horrible ones before I found him.

Pho

This Vietnamese soup can cure almost anything! When I feel that telltale tickle in my throat or fatigue creeping up, my husband and I immediately phone in a to go order at the closest pho restaurant. I enjoy the chicken noodle pho, but any kind is enough to render a cure.

Mix in all the ingredients, the spicier the better, and consume! After that and a good night’s sleep, you will wake up as if nothing ever happened.

Vicks Vapor Rub

This rub smells as good as it works. Not only can it be used to disguise the smell of rotting flesh, my dad was a funeral home employee, but it can also be rubbed on the heels of your feet and covered with socks to rid you of a stubborn cough. I am tied on if it smells better or the same as Noxema.

It can also provide relief to sunburns.

Tobacco

I’m not encouraging you to take up smoking. When you hear the telltale scream of a wasp or bee sting, take the tobacco out of a cigarette or from a tin of chew and wad up to press on the sting. It takes the sting out almost instantly.

Don’t do like my brother did. When he was younger, he stole a pinch of my grandfather’s snuff and tried to hide it. He didn’t count on turning green and throwing up for a good thirty minutes so he was busted immediately.

Desitin

White crusty lips dried out from being sunburned or windburned get instantly better after a night treatment of Desitin on them. Desitin is a diaper rash ointment and tastes disgusting. Please don’t consume it, but it can clear up sun or wind burned lips faster than anything else I know. The next day, you wake up as good as new.

Crocs (the shoe)

I would just like to throw this one in. Crocs, the shoes not the animal, are absolutely 100% effective as a birth control measure.

Toothpaste

Do you have a massive zit that popped up suddenly before a big date or meeting? Instead of naming it and applying for a birth certificate, dab that baby with some toothpaste before bed. When you wake up, Zitty McZitterson will be but a crusty memory on your face.

I don’t know why but only the use of white toothpaste works for this.

Pickle Juice

Freaks all over the world, including me, love the taste of pickle juice. I hope that any reading this will be happy to know that there are health benefits along with the amazing briny taste! It is amazing, according to word on the street, for cramps and dehydration.

Grocery stores all over the world have caught on to this and now make it as a drink, aka no pickles included, and a popsicle. The world is a wondrous place indeed.

Soap

If you use this bar, you will become clean.

I’m kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding, you will become clean. But that is not where I was going with this. If you put an unwrapped, fresh bar of soap underneath your sheets it somehow causes lamp leg cramps to cease.

Leg cramps, a.k.a. Charlie horses, were a nightly torture for me during all four of my pregnancies. Since I have the best luck in the world, I discovered this remedy at the very end of my last pregnancy. For those that are not fluent in sarcasm, I was being very sarcastic when I stated that I have the best luck in the world.

Banana Peels

In 5th grade, I was plagued with warts all over both of my hands. They were embarrassing and caused me to keep my hands balled up in a fist so no one would look at them. My mother took me to the dermatologist countless times. After each painful treatment to freeze them off, they would grow back and bring a few friends to join them.

The summer after fifth grade, we made the ten hour drive to my Cajun grandmother’s house for our annual visit. It wasn’t long before she noticed my clasped hands.

Grabbing them, she pried them open and was greeted with the sight of 75 warts. Clicking her head and murmuring curses, she grabbed the bananas and started peeling them.

An hour later, my mother was making an army’s worth of banana bread and I had my warts treated. My grandmother put the peels, slimy side down, on my warts and then taped them down with duct tape. She swore that duct tape was the only one that would work. Every day, we changed out the banana peels and duct tape. Within a week, they had almost all gone away. They never came back.

Modern medicine is an amazing thing, but a doctor isn’t always needed. We got by in the past with herbal and homemade treatments and we can still use them for many things.

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Posted in creeps, Humor, Life

Defeated By A Cougar

Cougar in attack mode
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The day in question started as a normal but stressful day. It ended up being entertaining as hell and I also felt like I made a difference in a possible future douche bag transition. What I’m trying to say is, There’s a very good possibility that because of my extreme roll reversing humiliation that I might have caused a future misogynistic douche bag in training to turn into a feminist based gentleman.

I’m sure that’s probably a stretch but I am willing to say that that’s a possibility. At the very minimum, he learned there are some women you don’t mess with and he needs to tread carefully before he gets his ass beat by a 5 foot 3 inch, 115 pound girl. Actually, I’m a woman but I like to sometimes refer to myself as a girl because I’m all about wishful thinking.

Before I go any further, you may want to read up on my first article I posted here about this issue. I have published a couple, but this one was the first which touched on the harassment that I face on a daily basis over messenger.Harassment via Facebook MessengerEver since I opened my Facebook page to the public (to advance my Real Estate and writing career),I have been harassed…link.medium.com

Before I begin, I would like to apologize in advance for the massive amount of screenshots I will be posting as evidence of this experience. I have deleted his last name and profile picture and some half assed way to protect his identity from being revealed as an online woman harasser. I would also like to note that as a general rule, he has been much more polite than some of the others, but he caught me on the wrong day and ended up getting a lesson that I hope he will pay attention to.

It all started in response to a Facebook post that I did concerning a car I was trying to sell.

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This first screenshot shows him reaching out to me in reference to my car. He expresses that he wants it and wants to know how I will get it to him. Since he is clearly in another country located oceans away, I rather snuggly tell him that he cannot have it unless he comes over here to Georgia and drives it back. I thought the case was shut at that point. I was wrong.

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In the next message he plays with me that he does not in fact have the money to pay for the car but that he would be very appreciative if I gifted it to him. That set my nerves a fire because, in my personal life at the moment, I am surrounded by people that don’t want to work and want to be handed everything. I will admit that that is definitely a trigger for me.

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OK this is my lengthy and really sarcastic response to his barely veiled attempt to get me to give him my car. I will admit that I had had a bad day so I probably was a little bit harsh but I don’t regret it. I have two daughters and I hope that they will put these jerks in their place when they do this kind of crap to them too.

Before I post the next section, I would like to point out that never did he try to argue with the fact that I said I owned a helicopter.

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Things went straight from my response above to his apparent offer for me to come over there and live with him as his wife, and American trophy, so we could start a business together. At this point, I started becoming amused because this is clearly the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard. This man must really think American women are some dumb idiots that just fell off the turnip truck. So, I decided to give him what he was looking for.

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I am pretty proud of the above work because it is all a bunch of nonsense and shit talking design to make him see that I am clearly messing with him. However, he does not see that and I don’t know if that’s from the language barrier or if he is just really ignorant.

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In this message, he tries to backtrack and say he was just enjoying a happy vision of us together in Pakistan. Mind you, at this point, I still don’t know who this guy is or even what he looks like. I don’t care enough to even pull up his profile picture.

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I think this one is my favorite response that I sent him. It is a perfect blend of completely over the top sarcasm, but also combines subtle flirtation by comparing him to Justin Timberlake. I don’t know if he knows who that is but I’m pretty sure he looked it up. after this one, I was sure he would not message me again. But once again, I was wrong. This tends to be a consistent theme with me and predicting the behavior patterns of men.

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Here he tries to bow out gracefully, but I do not allow it. I continue on with my ridiculous antics.

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The uncertainty and nervousness that he is showing in this message is a beautiful thing. Finally, he is starting to see that I am not being genuine with him, or if I am that I am quite possibly bat shit crazy.

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I intentionally step things up a notch. This is to increase any uncomfortable feelings he may be experiencing in response to being the harrassed instead of the harasser.

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At this point, his unease is visible and palpable. He is pulling out any and every excuse he can to try and get away from me now. He is frantically. trying to shut the can of worms that he pried open with his unsolicited advances.

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Please be advised that I am completely aware of the time difference between here and Pakistan. However, I do not want him to become aware of the fact that I own any brain cells yet. He is obviously ingrained to believe that women are morons, especially American ones.

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He tries blatantly ignoring my existence, so I purposely sent him a message after a few minutes to let him know that I am still around.

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Here he tries to back out of the mess he has gotten himself into. Bless his heart, he does try to do it in a nice way.

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This saga finally ended as all great stories must. I was entertained for hours, a lesson was learned by him, and maybe the world is rid of one less douche.

I may not have won the war against the creeps on messenger, but I won this battle.

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Posted in Career, Life, property management, tips, Uncategorized

Maintaining Composure During Heated Situations

Staying calm at work

Curse words spewed out of my mouth and into the tenant’s face. This wasn’t the first time that I had been pushed to my breaking point by being screamed at, cussed out, and sometimes pushed around. As a landlord, aka property manager, I have many houses to manage all over every part of my city. I have learned how to deal specifically with each section of the public.

There are the elitist tenants who call me every second about everything. They, for the most part, cannot do any home repair items themselves. This includes changing air filters, smoke detector batteries, and resetting tripped breakers. They hide their ignorance by flaunting their money. They have been brainwashed into thinking money is the same as intelligence. They hide their loneliness by talking, whining, and complaining to everyone they meet.

There are the poor tenants who struggle to survive who blame me personally when they can’t pay their rent. They will drive to my office and threaten me if eviction is looming. They never call about maintenance issues unless it is dire because they just want to be left alone and don’t want anyone seeing the messy state of their frantic lives.

There are the young tenants who are living alone for the first time and need help with everything from how to pay rent, use of an online app to submitting a maintenance request.

Then there are the old tenants who live alone or with a spouse listening to the echoes of their children in the halls from years past. They look forward to any contact and will happily chit chat with someone who calls, from telemarketer to me or my staff, for hours.

At any given moment, I can go from being physically pushed and verbally abused to spending half an hour talking with the sweetest little old lady I’ve ever met. It took me a good year to learn how to maintain my composure during these swift emotional transitions. I had to create boundaries and try to stick with them, becoming never too mad, too attached, or too invested in any one person’s circumstance.

Of course, this doesn’t always work and sometimes I lose my footing. I have dropped my professionalism down the tubes and hit back, yelled back, babysat, bought food, bought clothes, and loaned rent money. I have regretted doing this most of the time. I usually end up getting taken advantage of once anyone sees that I have heartstrings to pull. I have people that have turned on me as soon as I helped them.

I would like to think I have learned my lesson, but someone will come along and test my boundaries and find them lacking. Setting boundaries is essential in this line of work, as in many others that deal with the public.

You have to work hard not to become jaded because people lie about anything if it benefits them somehow. My sense of humor and not taking things personally have really been the two biggest things to keep me successful in this career and not burned out and jaded.

I continue to always look for the little acts of human kindness that are shown periodically. That brings fresh air to every one of us. Sometimes those little acts are enough to keep going for.

By setting boundaries, keeping my sense of humor, and searching for human acts of kindness every day, I am able to survive this work and hope that I have made a difference to someone, somewhere along the way.


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Posted in Humor

The Tween Daughter And The Chamber Of Chocolate

Literally overnight, I lost my child. Her love and affection seemed suddenly and completely lost to me forever. She went to bed a sweet, loving child of ten and woke up with a period and an attitude problem. I don’t want to trivialize this. It was not just an attitude. It was awful. I was not prepared for this.

My oldest daughter didn’t menstruate until she was thirteen, just like me. I blame my youngest’s excessive diet of chicken nuggets. Silently, nature declared defeat in the battle against my nurturing.

Suddenly, smiling was only for losers. And I was Queen of the loser club, gathering recruits everywhere I went. Everything that anyone in our household did or said quickly annoyed her to no end. I tried to not get offended by her sudden spurning of me, but my heart ached for the child I knew was now gone.

I called my mother one evening and was whining to her like I tend to do on most days. I told her I didn’t remember ever having an attitude like this or having hormonal rages. She scoffed and reminded me of how I treated her real quick. She also reminded me how I cried and literally stomped my feet at fourteen after being told I had eaten enough chocolate for the night. I locked myself in the bathroom for four hours after not getting tickets to the NKOTB concert, clearing delighting my parents with a break from me.

I have come to accept this inevitable change, but every now and then, I get a glimpse of my baby girl. Even so, I know the monster is just sleeping. I also know, as the mother of a grown daughter, that she will come back to me one day.

She will suddenly find herself calling me every day and missing the things she hates about me now. That is what is keeping me from despair.

I also know that by focusing on the growing pains, I am unable to see the masterpiece that is forming right in front of me. Through this suffering, a vibrant and brilliant woman will rise up ready to change the world.

In the meantime, I still have my dogs.

Posted in Finance, Ideas, Life, tips

5 Ways To Make Extra Income

The circumstances in which one finds themselves living is not meant to be permanent. Every chapter of our life is equivalent to a different level and to grow you must level up. There is a strength from growing and gaining financially that people who have never struggled will never understand. I think to fully understand one, you must experience the other.

Awakening your prosperity is something anybody is able to do but few actually succeed in. It requires a little, old fashioned hard work and focus, which few have anymore. Those missing qualities have helped develop and maintain the bridge between the low income and higher income earners. Anyone is able to take their piece of the pie, but working for it and making smart decisions is the only way to get there.

  1. You can grow money on your savings by investing in a high yield savings account or CD so that you will earn a return on your investments. They are easy to find online and some are free. The difference between the poor and the rich is that the rich always make sure their money is working for them.
  2. You can also make, or lose, money by playing the stock market. If you decide to play the stocks, make sure you pick companies that pay a dividend. You can find this information by looking it up on the Internet. You can also find it, and much more information, in articles released daily regarding the stock market and business.
  3. You can sell downloadable forms and/or content on Etsy. You can sell anything homemade on Etsy. I have a friend that made a large sum monthly on just digital forms this way. If you have a need for something, then others do too.
  4. You can write for Medium or Vocal and earn money based on your output and popularity. This is something that takes time, much like compound interest. The more you put out, the more you will make.
  5. You can submit receipts on apps that will let you cash out with money or gift cards. A few to name are Coinout, Receiptpal, and Fetch rewards.

I hope this list will provide the stimulation someone may need to get the ball rolling on creating extra income. I will not call it passive income because passive income is generated by no work at all, such as returns from being a silent investor, etc. It is a widely overused and incorrectly used description for what I term found money.

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Posted in Humor

Insomnia: The Home Remedy

Death came for my sister this year, turning my world upside down and my sleeping habits to ashes. I went to work every day and parented my children, but I was losing it on the inside. Maybe the unreleased grief caused insomnia or maybe it was just my age.

Everything I could have done differently was brought to the forefront of my mind when I closed my eyes. Past memories and conversations came alive again once the night descended. The rest of society would dream without the knowledge they had failed someone that day. They didn’t say goodbye or didn’t hug or didn’t appreciate it, but they were still ignorant of that fact, for the moment.

I knew this grief would pass. It was not my first experience with it. Insomnia was new for me though. It seemed that the night was just there to remind me of the things I avoided feeling or thinking during the daylight hours. Nothing internally had ever prevented my sleep before and I was shocked. My children were long past the age of keeping me up.

A blue moon.
Photo by haylee on Unsplash

I would dread the night and approach the long, silent hours already defeated. As someone who has always been able to sleep for six to nineteen hours straight, this was a huge shock to my system. It was so bad that I considered it torture.

I went to the doctor. Of course, they gave me prescription pills. The pills worked too well. I didn’t wake up for work three days in a row. This didn’t surprise me as I have always been extremely sensitive to medications. If you read my article on meditation, you will know I failed at all of my many attempts to master meditation. Nonetheless, I tried it yet again will the same results. I knew then that stricter measures must be taken.

I tried an app that promoted relaxation methods. One method was mindful breathing, which is basically what it sounds like. You breathe according to the inhale/ exhale rhythm that the app tells you.

Surprisingly, it did help calm me down when I got overly anxious, but it did not put me to sleep. I am lactose intolerant so I could not try the warm milk method, but I did try hot toddies and hot tea that promoted sleepiness. I hated the tea and got drunk on the other. I didn’t go to sleep, but I had a nice night.

Beautiful tea cup full of hot tea on a blue tablecloth.
Photo by Emily Bauman on Unsplash

This bout with insomnia didn’t take long before I started feeling the effects on my body and seeing the effects on my face. As an already intolerable grump, I got even crabbier and my temper got much shorter. I tried a strict routine with the intention of trying to sleep train myself. I bought a weighted blanket, essential oils, and CBD oil. I even tried sleeping sprays, which I had never known existed before this point. But Febreeze scented for sleep does not work.

The cure came by way of advice that I normally would have politely acknowledged but immediately forgot. It was the sort of cure my southern grandmother would have recommended that seemed almost worse than the complaint. Like the remedy to drink buttermilk, which tastes like a murder charge, to ease stomach pains. I will just wait out the pains, Grandma.

This was recommended by an older person that I am friends with and she told me to rub two drops of castor oil on my eyelids. I scoffed it off, but she was extremely convincing and I was extremely desperate so the fates aligned. I bought castor oil. No, all southerners don’t keep that on hand, but I will from now on. I did my wine, bath, skin, and evening bedtime routine. Then I dabbed two drops on each eyelid and rubbed it in.

I settled down beside my husband and told him it wasn’t working. Then, I woke up. I had slept over seven hours and I was amazed. I don’t know if the castor oil did it alone, or if my brain was just ready, but I will forever be in debt to that jar of disgustingness and my friend.

My insomnia has gone away for the most part and life has moved on for all of us, however stunted. We are learning a new way of life without her in it. That is what she would want us to do.

Continue reading “Insomnia: The Home Remedy”