Posted in Marriage

Which Type Of Marriage Is Right?

Elegant, stylish young couple beautiful bridge and groom on the stairs
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Choices are everywhere and we are the sum of our choices. Will you marry? Will you marry for love? Will you marry the same sex? Once you make those decisions then you will have to decide on what type of marriage you want. I was recently educated about the fact that there are more than a few types of marriages out there. Finding one that will work for you is the goal. As someone who is on her third and final husband, I know now that you and your spouse-to-be have to come together in the union that will work for you both. Regardless of how that looks to outsiders.

Traditional

The one we all know. We are one person marries another person with the intention of staying married forever. Usually has a huge ceremony involving a church, but can happen anywhere at anytime. My first marriage was in a chapel and my second was in my mother’s backyard. My final and third marriage was done overlooking a cascading dam.

Polygamy

Just from a marriage as when one person marries several others. This is usually the case with one man and many wives. Apparently, that is acceptable, but the reverse is not. Hey, I don’t make the ridiculously ironic bullshit rules. Anyway, polygamy is illegal here in the United States. It still happens, though.

Open

You’re in a relationship, but not really, because you can f$&k whoever. I would like to wonder how many people this type of relationship has actually worked out for. I would really love some more information on the logistics of this, so if any reader has insights to share, please email me at kylie@kyliesells.com.

Common Law

Being common law married means that you have cohabited as a married couple for a certain amount of time without making it legal. So the law made it legal in order to protect and give rights to long term partners, to a certain extent. This usually protects significant others in will disputes.

Arranged

This marriage exists all over the world, even in the United States, but it is not spoken about much. Usually the parents of both the bride and groom negotiate a match. Sometimes with the help of a matchmaker. They want happiness for their child, of course, but also focus on finances, caste, and religious aspects. Love comes last and is expected to grow in time.

An official pushing an Indian bride and groom’s head together.
Photo by Pranav Kumar Jain on Unsplash

Is monogamy a natural process or a man made policy? We all feel attracted to other people, so why would God, or whoever our maker is, put that in as if it was wrong? People have been disputing this for centuries. Many people feel that the look but not touch rule is a good policy. The bottom line is you both have to set absolute boundaries in a relationship. Crossing those boundaries is a relationship deal breaker.

My husband and I both have been cheated on and lied to so we both crave trust and dependability more than anything. We are the perfect team in this business called life and have no illusions about what each other expects. For us, personally, it is all about keeping the lines of communication open.

After researching this, I have come to the conclusion that you do whatever you need to do to make your marriage work or to make your life work. For some, or many, that may mean no marriage at all. Who really cares if some judgmental person wants to throw their two cents in about you being single? They are most likely miserable shits anyway.

Love yourself, do good things, help others, take care of your family and your parents, and go to bed at night resting easy. Whoever the God is in charge up there will only commend your efforts. You cannot change my mind on this fact.


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Posted in Life

Aging Is Terrible, But Amazing

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Being a vibrant, head-turning woman is almost a memory for me. I have since faded, turning by shades into a middle aged woman with affinities for animals and gardening. The smaller my beauty becomes, the larger my mouth and personality gets. With something lost, something is gained elsewhere I suppose.

I envision myself at 80 and the images my mind creates are all vastly different from the next, causing my emotions to fluctuate between fear, sadness, pride, and contentment. In one vision, I am eighty with pink hair. I yell at whomever I decide deserves it and take no shit from anyone. I hang out with my other old friends all the time and am spoiled by my children and grandchildren.

Another vision of 80 me is quite different. I am sitting in a one bedroom apartment that is subsidized. I have almost no food, no visitors, and nineteen cats. Every day is the same as the one before. I am just waiting to die.

I don’t know what steps to take to get to the vision I want to live out, but I’m going to start with continuing to live f&*k-free. I will act silly, laugh when I want to, and continue not to conform to other’s ways of living. I am original, as we all are, and have no desire to fit the mold.

This is my plan. At 65, I will go ahead and get those really cool glasses holders that dangle and start dressing like Stevie Nicks. But a redneck version, obviously. I will be way too cool to ever join the Red Hat society. I will start my own spinoff called the Turquoise Sombrero Society.

At 75, I will start dying my hair red or purple. I will fight every instinct in my body to go get a curling set at the beauty salon on a weekly basis. Maybe then I will set the stage for the cool old me to come out. haphazard as it may be, at least I have a plan of action.

I am trying to focus on the present instead of longing for the past. With age, I have developed into the person I have always wanted to be. I hope that eventually I have grandchildren and I hope I get to see my children walk down the aisle or across the stage of their choosing. Unfortunately, some family and friends that I thought cared have proven otherwise. I am learning to let go of the bad to make room for better to find it’s way into my life.

One thing I do know is that life is short and I intend to savor the rest of mine.